Corrections Victoria staff can beat the prisoners up unprovoked and if they make a complaint well be sure to lose it!
Staff can make you sit naked in a glass cell covered in urine for days. They may also decide to all come in at once and mock the size of your penis.
Staff will call you a “dog” if you make any kind of complaint about them or anyone else and then read out your complaint to the other prisoners.
Welcome to the office of the Corrections Minister, where complaints go to die. Our esteemed Minister has turned inaction into an art form, ensuring that any and all grievances are thoroughly ignored. Why investigate when you can procrastinate?
MAKE A COMPLAINTAt the Corrections Minister’s office, we operate on a simple principle: “If it’s not acknowledged, it doesn’t exist.” This approach allows us to maintain the illusion of harmony while chaos reigns behind the scenes. Complaints, concerns, and calls for action are skillfully swept under the rug.
MAKE A COMPLAINT
Our corrections commissioner is a complete pro at the avoidance of complaints handling. Even if a prisoner offers proof of corruption in the form of destroying official complaints, she wont return his calls.
MAKE A COMPLAINTThink you can break through our wall of inaction? Send us your complaints, and watch them disappear into the ether. Remember, at the Corrections Minister’s office, silence is golden, and your issues are our least priority.
MAKE A COMPLAINT
Chief Bribe Officer (CBO) – John “Slip-Up” Smith*
John is the mastermind behind our bribery operations. His motto? “Why do the right thing when you can do the profitable thing?” From rigging contracts to disappearing funds, John’s skills have ensured that corruption remains at the heart of our operations.
Director of Mismanagement – Tom “Too Much” Johnson*
Tom’s genius lies in his ability to turn mismanagement into a money-making venture. Through strategic oversights and deliberate errors, he ensures that funds always end up in the right (or wrong) pockets. Misplacing budgets and inflating costs have never been so lucrative.
Head of Favors – Lisa “Loose Ends” Brown* Lisa specializes in the fine art of favors. Need a contraband phone? A cushy job? Special treatment? Lisa’s got you covered, as long as you’ve got the cash. Her network of connections and favors-for-hire keeps our gears of corruption well-oiled.
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MAKE A COMPLAINTAre you tired of being heard? Do you crave a position where ignoring problems is part of the job description? Join the Corrections Minister’s team, where your ability to do nothing will be truly valued.
MAKE A COMPLAINT
Our specially formed Committee of Procrastination meets regularly (or not) to discuss ways to delay action on pressing issues. Their findings are conclusive: doing nothing is always the best course of action.
MAKE A COMPLAINTGot a complaint about a serious issue? Our Denial Department is here to assure you that everything is just fine. With a range of canned responses, we expertly downplay any concern until it fades away.
MAKE A COMPLAINT